


Disneystuck

by fancytartishead



Category: Homestuck
Genre: DisneyWorld, Humanstuck, abandoned, everyone works at disneyworld, main pairing is john/dave
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-13 03:33:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4506153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fancytartishead/pseuds/fancytartishead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically everyone works at Disney and no one dies.</p><p>Dave Strider is a twenty-something year old living in Orlando and working at Disney. The "Happiest Place on Earth" is pretty boring, until one John Egbert makes work a hell of a lot more exciting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dave: Miss the Bus

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my first ever fanfiction, whoo ＼（＠￣∇￣＠）／ This story has been written with assistance from, and beta read by [thecarlonethatalsowrites](http://archiveofourown.org/users/thecarlonethatalsowrites/pseuds/thecarlonethatalsowrites) who is absolutely the best. 
> 
> [Here](https://goo.gl/fnR4xP) is a link to a full cast list for this fic
> 
> [Here](http://goo.gl/PnXIwd) is a link to the map of the Magic Kingdom
> 
> [Here](http://goo.gl/yM0HvL) is a link to the map of the disney staff tunnels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your name is Dave Strider and you work at Disneyworld Magic Kingdom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a full cast list can be found here https://goo.gl/DwLRkR
> 
> maps of disneyworld and cast tunnels can be found here http://goo.gl/PnXIwd and here http://goo.gl/yM0HvL

Dave: Miss the Bus

You read the title, your name is Dave Strider and you are now late for work. Its not your fault the Orlando bus system is shit, but one would think that after two years you would have learned to leave earlier. Now you are stuck waiting for Terezi to pick you up. Unfortunately your legally blind best friend and her girlfriend also seem to be running late, goddamnit.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] \--

[TG]: yo  
[TG]: where you at  
[TG]: did you get in an accident  
[TG]: are you dead  
[TG]: do i need to arrange a funeral  
[TG]: im thinking black roses and fog machines  
[TG]: or should i go with a heartbreaking anime style scene  
[TG]: bro would enjoy it  
[TG]: hed be crying sugoi tears of joy  
[TG]: or maybe sadness  
[TG]: whatever we go with i promise i will mourn you forever  
[GC]: C4LM DOWN COOLK1D  
[GC]: VR1SK4 JUST H4D TROUBL3 F1ND1NG H3R 4RM TH1S MORN1NG  
[TG]: oh thank god  
[TG]: i was seriously getting worried  
[TG]: where are you  
[GC]: W3’RE ON OUR W4Y C4LM YOUR T1TS

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

After 20 minutes of standing in the sweltering Florida heat, you see Vriska and Terezi’s cherry red pickup truck barreling down the street before screeching to a stop in front of your apartment. You can hear Terezi cackling as she rolls down the window shouting, “Hey cool kid, get in we’re going shopping.”

Followed by a, “It’s Wednesday, why aren’t you wearing pink?” from Vriska.

“Ok first of all it's Tuesday, you fucks, and second I’m just going to assume that you are late because you were watching Mean Girls again.” You climb into the truck as Terezi responds with more cackling, and you receive a “Boooooooo,” from Vriska. 

“But anyway, you really have to stop being late. We have too many irons in the fire to keep picking you up, all of the irons.” She floors the accelerator and the truck lurches forward. You throw yourself at the grab bar, hanging on for dear life.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” you sigh when the car finally reaches a relatively normal speed. “Where’s Tavros?” A solid eight seconds of silence pass, followed by ten seconds of pure terror as Vriska decides to make a U-turn in the middle of the highway screeching, “SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT,” at the top of her lungs.

You find Tavros sitting on his front steps with his chihuahua, patiently awaiting your arrival. “You forgot me again didn’t you…” he sighs, pulling himself into the seat next to you and getting his prosthetic foot stuck in the door.

“No way, we just had to pick Dave up first.” Vriska answered, speeding down the road. 

“But, my house is on the way to Dave’s, and-”

“Tavros, shut the fuck up. This is my JAM!”, Vriska screeches in response as Seven Nation Army comes on the radio. She cranks up the volume and you yelp as she steers with her artificial arm. You get a few dirty looks from other drivers, but Vriska continues singing (terribly off-key) along with the song. 

“... an EIGHT nation army couldn’t hold me back!”

“Wait, eight nation? Isn’t it seven?” You question.

“Well yeah, but seven is such a weak number. I changed it to eight. Also,” she fixes a terrifying one-eyed glare on you through the rear view mirror. “Are you questioning my authority in my own truck, Strider?”

“Legally, this is my truck. My name is on the down payment.” Terezi interjects. “Look it up, it’ll say Terezi Fucking Pyrope.”

“MUTINY!” Vriska cries, almost steering the truck directly into oncoming traffic. 

Dave: Arrive at Disneyworld

Several near death experiences later, you finally pull up to the staff entrance you, Terezi, and Tavros jump out of the car and run (or walk in Tavros’ case) towards the gates. After entering the “secret” tunnels, you and Tavros burst into the men’s locker room, surprised to see that all the other actors were still in the room. You wince, realizing that your boss Kankri is currently in the middle of one of his impressively boring, long winded spiels. Teriffic.

"Ah, Mr. Strider, Mr. Nitram, glad to see that you actually showed up. As I was saying, this is Mr. Egbert. He will be replacing Mr. Captor as Prince Charming number two, since someone," He glared in the direction of Sollux, who was now in a Stitch costume. "Could not watch his mouth around the guests."

"Sorry Kankri, but I blame this asshat over here." Sollux lisps gesturing to the one and only Eridan Ampora sulking in the back of the room.

"Shut up Sol, it's your fault I missed my audition for Ariel and now I'm stuck working fuckin’ Tom Sawyers Island like a chump."

"Ok listen up Dipshit-"

"EH HMMM," Kankri shouts, slamming the door of the locker next to him. “Mr. Strider, Mr. Egbert will be stationed near your area today, please show him the way.” Kankri pushes a short boy with bright blue eyes and buck teeth in your direction.

“No problem boss, you tell Kankri, giving him the thumbs up. Then addressing the nervous boy next to you, “Sup man, I’m Dave.”

“Hi! I’m John,” he chirps with a smile, and goddamn, you swear his eyes sparkle.

“Ok people, let's get moving,” Kankri grumbles, throwing the door open with a huff. “Dave, is your equipment set up yet?”

“No, I left it in the green room last night,” you say, finally tearing your eyes away from John’s fluffy hair and forcing away the blood rushing to your face..

“Terrific.” Kankri deadpans, “Take John with you to go pick it up.”

“Sure boss,” you call over your shoulder dragging John in the direction of the green room.

“So are you going to go back for your costume later, or is it in the greenroom?” John asks, looking down at your T-shirt and jeans combo.

“I don’t really have a costume.”

“Oh,” he says sounding slightly embarrassed. “So what are we getting from the green room?”

“My turntables, I’m a DJ.”

“They have DJs at Disneyworld?”

“Eh, sort of… I really just play whatever shitty pop tunes Kankri deems ‘appropriate’ for the kids to dance to,” you answer, fishing around in your pockets for the keys. “ But they let me use the equipment personal stuff, so sometimes I do some real DJing on the side.”

“Thats so cool!” John exclaims, as you hand him a couple cords and your laptop. “ I wish I could do that. I’m completely tone deaf and I have no sense of rhythm.”

You glance his way, watching as he marvels at the random shit in the green room in bewilderment (literally everyone shoves their extra crap in here). “Maybe…” you suggest, “I could teach you sometime.”

“Really!, That would be amazing,” he replies, his eyes lighting up as a grin spreads over his entire face.

“Come on. I’ll show you where I’m set up,” you declare, breaking the comfortable silence that had fallen over the two of you. You follow him out of the room, directing him out of the tunnels and towards the the dance floor set up near the edge of Tomorrowland. As you watch him wander around in the tunnels and through the park, you find yourself staring. Muttering under your breath, “shit. Even his butt is cute.” You definitely have a crush on John. Your name is Dave Strider, and you are so fucked.


	2. John: Go on your lunch break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which John Egbert goes looking for Dave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo! second chapter o(^◇^)o
> 
> I was planning on waiting to post this until I finished writing chapter 4, but I couldn't resist. Once again my beta is the wonderful [thecarlonethatalsowrites](http://archiveofourown.org/users/thecarlonethatalsowrites/pseuds/thecarlonethatalsowrites)

John: Go on your lunch break

Your name is John Egbert and you are extremely sweaty. Well, not as sweaty as the guy playing Gaston (who you learn is named Equius), but you guess no one sweats like Gaston. 

You are so glad that your sister Jade got you this job. You are currently stationed on the border of Fantasyland and Tomorrowland with a girl named Roxy who is dressed as Cinderella. Roxy is very nice, she taught you how to keep your signatures constant when signing autograph books. Your morning went great! You posed for pictures and signed autographs for a few hours around various parts of the park. The little kids were so cute! For the majority of the day you were stationed near the dancefloor where Dave was DJing. Dave. So far the best part about this job is getting to watch him. He looks genuinely happy when he's up there playing pop tunes, even if he tries to hide it with the whole cool kid act. 

Speaking of Dave, you wonder where he went. Your lunch break just started and you wanted to talk to him some more. You suppose that you will just ask around and see if you can find him.

John: Ask Roxy

You walk across the crowded dance floor to the pretty blonde girl in the poofy blue dress. “Hey Roxy! Um, have you-”

“Oh, John, John, John,” she interrupts, literally jumping up and down in excitement. “Guess what!”

“Uh- What?”

“Look, look, look,” she pulls a slightly shorter blonde girl in a Tinkerbell costume towards you. “This is my baby sister Rosie!”

“Just Rose is fine.” The other blonde says, gently pulling her wrist out of Roxy’s vice-like grip and holding out for you to shake. “A pleasure.”

“Nice to meet you Rose, I’m John,” you say, smiling. You can definitely see the resemblance between them.

“So what did you need Johnny-boy?” Roxy asks, smoothing down her dress.

“What? Oh right!” You exclaim, you nearly forgot why you came over here in the first place. “Have either of you seen Dave?”

Rose quirks one eyebrow and looks at Roxy who has a smug grin on her face. “I haven’t,” said Rose. “May I inquire why you are looking for the younger Mr. Strider.”

“Huh!” You blurt, feeling your face flush. “Oh- I just wanted to -uh- ask him some questions about -uh- DJing.”

A coy smile spreads over Roses lips. “Oh of course,” she pauses looking over at Roxy, “about DJing.”

“Ooooooohhh, Egbert has a crush!” Roxy shouts in a singsongy voice.

“Wha!? No I don’t!” You shout back, trying to cover her mouth. “I just want to hang out with him- in a platonic way., like bros. And anyways, I literally met the guy this morning.”

“But you think he’s cute dontcha,” Roxy adds, jumping in your back.

“Bluh!” you shout in surprise. You can feel your face flushing as you try to shake her off. “I-I’m just going to go now,” You announce, running off.

You end up running down Main Street toward the castle. You see Jade with Karkat, (her boyfriend and Prince Charming number one), standing at the front of a very long picture line. Jade is dressed in the long dress she made, it transitions between blue and pink every couple minutes.  
Maybe the two of them know where Dave might be.

John: Ask Jade and Karkat.

You cannot ask Jade and Karkat without risking upsetting several families with very small children and very short fuses. You decide to move on.

You cut through the castle and into the most crowded part of Fantasyland. You crane your neck searching the crowds for Dave, when you hear someone call your name.

“Hello John.” You turn around to see a tall girl with short hair tucked under the hood of her- actually you have no idea what her costume is supposed to be. She was wearing a long periwinkle skirt with a purple top and a short cape thingy tied over her shoulders with a large bow.

“Um, hi,” you say, confused on why this stranger is talking to you. “Can I help you?”

“Oh that is right, you must be extremely confused about the current situation.” She says, removing her hood. “My name is Kanaya Maryam, Rose has informed me that you are in search of one Dave Strider. I was simply attempting to inform you that I saw him over by the ice cream parlor down on Main Street.”

"Really!" you reply, beaming. "Thanks so much Kanaya. I like your costume."

"Why thank you John, I made it myself. After being cast as Cinderella's fairy godmother, I insisted on updating her outfit." She responds, twirling around in her flowing skirt. 

"That's awesome!" You shout, before turning around and calling over your shoulder, "see you later Kanaya."

"Goodbye John. Enjoy the rest of your afternoon." She responds as you head out of Fantasyland and head back towards Mainstreet.

You make your way through the the crowded street to the ice cream parlor. Inside, among to young couples and worn out families you spot one Dave Strider eating one of those Mickey ice cream sandwiches and laughing. You start to call out to him when you see that he isn't alone. He is with a girl in a Mulan costume, but her long wig and white face makeup makes it hard to tell who it is. You assume that she is his girlfriend and decide to just leave them alone. You walk back towards Tomorrowland wondering why you feel so crushed, when it finally hits you. Roxy and Rose were right. Your name is John Egbert and you have a crush on Dave Strider.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NO one sweats like Gaston/ builds robots like Gaston/ no one’s kicks are as incredibly STRONG as Gaston’s/ I use hoofbeasts in all of my decorating, no one is quite like Gaston (if you don't know what I'm referencing watch [this](https://youtu.be/3gZ0OgA_8G0?t=54s))


	3. Dave: Eat your melted ice cream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave seeks help when it comes to feelings and also with cleaning his apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that took a little longer than expected... ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ But hey, the chapter is way longer this time ✧٩(•́⌄•́๑) I'm planning on writing most of the future chapters to this length, so look forward to that!
> 
> As usual, my beta is [thecarlonethatalsowrites](http://archiveofourown.org/users/thecarlonethatalsowrites/pseuds/thecarlonethatalsowrites)
> 
> [Cast List](https://goo.gl/fnR4xP)

Dave: Eat your melted icecream

As an unfailable coolkid, you _hate_ being laughed at. Especially by a certain cackling friend with red slushy flowing freely from her nose. Its mixing with her makeup and is probably one of the grossest things you have ever seen. She’s going to have to fix her makeup later. Thankfully, it doesn’t seem to bother her, because dealing with a crabby Terezi is even worse than dealing with a cackling one.

You thought that talking to Terezi during your lunch break would be the best way to sort out your newly discovered feelings. However, on second thought, Tavros or Rose probably would have been a better choice. Hell, even your bro would have taken this more seriously. In any case you decided to go to Terezi who is now laughing her ass off at your expense.

It started about 10 minutes ago, when you told her that you liked John. To which she asked, “Are you sure you _like him_ like him?” 

You really didn’t know how to respond, so you kind of just groaned and shrugged.

“Well what do you want to do with him.”

“I dunno man.” You sighed in response.

“Do you want to take him ballroom dancing, or do the do with him,” Terezi deadpanned.

“First one I guess,” you shrugged again. “I really just want to cuddle up on the couch and watch dumb movies with him,” you mumbled, as you shoved your face into your arms.

“Oh jeez,” Terezi looked at you with a grin. “You’ve got it bad, Strider.” She started giggling then.

“Why is this so funny to you?” You ask, trying to stop your best friend from flinging cherry flavored snot all over the table and avoid it at the same time.

“C’mon, you Dave Strider, the coolest kid in the Orlando area, has a crush on the dorkiest Prince Charming that Disney has ever hired.” Terezi says, finally calming down. “I have known you for over 10 years and I have never seen you genuinely like someone. This is bigger than the invention of pixie stix.”

“Shutthefuckupman,” you mutter, shoving like five more napkins in her face. “I’ve liked people before. What about that guy who used to play the Mayor of Toontown.”

“Dave. We all know that was some weird ironic thing to mess with your brother."

“No way, that shit was pure, unironic romance. He stole my heart and took a job at Universal, leaving me and empty husk of what I once was. He left me for _Shrek_ , Terezi, _Shrek_. I’m still recovering from the heartbreak.”

“Dave,” she says in a condescending tone.

“Terezi,” you say, imitating her scratchy voice.”This is serious, what do I do?”

“Well Dave, you barely know the guy.” She sighs, wiping up the table and throwing away her empty cup. “I recommend trying to make friends with him first.”

“Ok,” you walk over to the garbage and dispose of the now liquid monstrosity that, in a past life, was an ice cream sandwich. “So what, do I just ask him out, platonically?”

“I guess so. Ask him to go watch sports with you, or whatever boys do when they hang out.” Terezi responds, pulling out a comb out if her purse to fix her hair. “I have to get going, bye cool kid.” She snaps her purse closed and pats you on the cheek.

“Bye TZ.” You ruffle her hair, much to her disdain, and head back towards Tomorrowland. Friends, you can handle that, right?

Dave: Handle that

You are trying to handle that but the fact that John is stationed about 50 feet from you everyday is making that rather difficult. You have a perfect opportunity to witness his adorable Prince Charming act. You watch as he bows to the little girls dressed as princesses and smiles for pictures. In the evenings you and Sollux work the techy shit for the parade, so you get to watch him wave from the Cinderella float with that adorable grin on his face.

On Friday, four days after John had started, you decide to start putting your totally platonic moves on him. You approach John after the parade when you spot him walking back float with Karkat. “Hey John,” you say, sliding up next to him. “Nice job in the parade tonight.”

“Oh, hi Dave, thanks! I really don’t do much. It's mostly Roxy and Kanaya who steal the show. Did you know that Kanaya made both of their costumes? She said that she could teach me how to sew, and- nevermind.” He blushes, realizing that he had been rambling.

“So,” you continue. “I was wondering if you wanted to hang out this weekend. I just set up my Wii U and I need some help breaking it in.”

“Oh!” your proposition seems to have surprised him. “Sure, why not,” he grins.

“Great, how’s tomorrow sound?”

“I’m free tomorrow.”

“Cool, here’s my chumhandle, I’ll send you the address.” you hand him a scrap piece of paper with ‘turntechGodhead’ scribbled on it as the two of you part ways for the night.

Sitting on the bus, you feel your phone vibrate in your pocket.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

[EB]: hi dave this is john  
[TG]: hey man  
[TG]: aren’t you driving right now  
[TG]: are you breaking the law egbert  
[TG]: am i talking to a criminal  
[TG]: will i have to come bail your ass out of jail  
[EB]: hahahaha no, calm down. i just got home  
[TG]: lucky  
[TG]: meanwhile i am still on a bus  
[TG]: i shit you not it smells like someones gym socks soaked in  
the bluest of cheeses  
[EB]: hahaha! you should let me give you a ride sometime  
[TG]: that would actually be the bomb man  
[EB]: great i’ll see you tomorrow :B  
[TG]: later egderp

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

You find that even though he is probably miles away from you, John Egbert has once again broken your cool kid facade as you sit on the bus grinning like an idiot John is coming over tomorrow. Shit- John is coming over tomorrow. The realization hits you like a freight train, you have to go shopping for real food, as you are currently living off of aj, lucky charms, and ramen. And, oh god, you have to clean your apartment. You have some serious work cut out for you. It’s time to make a phone call.

Dave: Beg your brother to help you

After remembering the current state of your apartment, you decide to call your brother and his boyfriend to help you clean up. They totally owe you. Most of this mess is left over from the moving out/moving in party they threw you when you finally got tired of walking in on them in various states of undress. They had helped you find an apartment down the road from their condo. It's a two bedroom one bathroom apartment with an adequate kitchen (which you never use) and living room. Seeing that you live alone, the second bedroom has become the "I don't know what to do with this shit so I guess I'll just stick it here" room, and currently houses boxes you never opened, an air mattress, and a broken TV. 

As soon as you get home you dump your bag on the couch and call your brother. When he picks up the first thing you hear is, “goddamnit Strider, give me back my trousers,” in a cheery english accent followed by some bumping around before you finally hear a, “sup little man,” on the other end.

“Hey bro, I need your help,” you say. 

“What did you do this time?”

“Nothing, nothing, I need you and Jake to come help me clean the apartment tomorrow morning.”

“Why.”

“I…have guests coming over,” you say, avoiding the topic of who these guests are.

“Guests?” he asks with a suspicious tone.

“Yeah,” you rush to say. “Plus you guys totally owe me, most of the mess is from the moving party you threw me.”

“Dude, that was three months ago. You _still_ haven’t cleaned up?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” you sigh. “So will you help?”

You hear a long exhale through the phone, “Sure. What time you need us?”

“Uh, the morning?” You ask, unsure of how to answer.

“We’ll be there at eight.”

“Thanks bro,” you exclaim before hanging up.

\---

When you wake up the next morning you discover that Dirk and Jake have already let themselves into your apartment and started rooting through your near empty kitchen. “Sup little man. I told you we’d be here at eight,” Dirk says through a mouthful of lucky charms. 

While your bro has taken to eating your cereal, Jake is busy digging around in your fridge. “Your house is quite lacking in anything remotely nutritious,” he grimaces, pulling out a squishy brown banana and wrinkling his nose. “You might want to buy some real food before your guests arrive,” he suggests, throwing the banana in the trash.

“Probably,” you shrug. “ one question. What is real food?”

Your bro facepalms and Jake gives you a sheepish grin. “ How about I stay here and start tidying up, while you and Dirk visit the supermarket.”

Before you have a chance to protest your bro is throwing your shades at you from the counter and heading for the door. “Hang on!” you shout, looking down at your smuppet boxers. “I need real pants” After finding an acceptably clean pair of sweatpants, a t-shirt, and brushing down your bedhead so it doesn’t look like your bro’s, you emerge from your room to find Dirk and Jake making out on your kitchen counter. “Goddamnit guys, this is why I moved out.”

Dirk glares at you from over the tops of his pointy shades and nips at Jake’s ear. You can hear him whisper, “Be good my little french maid.” before turning away from the blushing englishman, and walking towards the door. Oh god, do they really have to do this here?

You drive down to the _real_ supermarket, instead of the convenience store where you normally buy food. Walking in, your bro shoves a basket in your arms and tells you to find produce. He then walks off with his own cart, presumably to find you more food. You walk through the produce section trying to figure out what to buy to make it look like you have your life put together. Hmm, you try to remember anything from the home decorating magazines you flip through at the dentist. Citrus, put some citrus in a bowl. that shits classy as fuck. You walk over to the towers of citrus on one side off the store and choose the biggest thing there, which happens to be grapefruits the size of softballs. You put a few in one of those weird produce bags and continue on your way. 

You need to make it look like you actually use your kitchen, so you grab some regular looking fruits and vegetables like carrots, potatoes, tomatoes, apples (hell yeah), and lettuce. You’re grabbing a bag of onions when you hear your bro walk up behind you and mutter, “what the fuck?” He picks up your bag of grapefruits and asks, “Dave, why the _everloving fuck_ do you need five grapefruits?”

“I’m gonna put them in a bowl all classy like.”

“Dave you’re supposed to use lemons and limes,” he deadpans.

“Why?”

“No fucking clue.” Dirk puts the grapefruits back on the pile and hands you the now empty bag. “Go find regular citrus.”

You meet Dirk at the register and see that he has added more food to your cart. Let's see, you glance over the conveyor belt and see chicken, salt, pepper, sugar, milk, eggs, butter, and ugh- orange soda.

“No soda,” you say, grabbing it from the pile.

“Uh, yes soda, it’s for me.”

“Why am I buying you soda?”

“I’m helping you shop.”

“Fair enough.”

The next stop on your trip is to Target, where your bro helps you pick out dishes that _don’t_ have dinosaurs on them, and you restock your supply of aj and junk food. Its not until the two of you have loaded everything into the car when he finally asks the question you’ve been anticipating since last night. 

“So,” he begins, pulling out of the parking lot. “Who is this mysterious guest coming over later, because I’m sure as hell you ain’t doing all this for Terezi.”

“Its um,” you pause. “Johns coming over to play video games.”

“John, John Egbert? As in the dorky new prince charming who replaced Sollux?”

“Maybe…”

“So how long have you liked him?”

“What! I don’t like him,” you stammer unconvincingly. “Can’t a guy spruce up his place for his new pal.”

“Dave, do you _know_ how fast Disney staff gossip spreads? I knew 10 minutes after you told Terezi.” At a stoplight he reaches over and plops his hand on top of your head. “Also I can see you making goo-goo eyes at him from the Toy Story Ride.”

“Ugh fine,” you say, leaning on the window, “I’ve been head over heels since Kankri shoved tour guide duty on me.”

“You see a small smirk spread over your bro’s face, “I fucking called it.”

Ten minutes of awkward silence later, you walk into a mostly clean apartment with Jake passed out on your couch. You put away the groceries in silence and finish putting the dishes away before checking the time. 11:50- SHIT! You told John to be here around noon. “Brooooooo,” you shout, running into the living room. “Get out my house!” 

Your name is Dave Strider and you desperately need a shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to speed up the updating schedule, but school is back in session... My apologies. Its looking like the updates will probably be about once a month. 
> 
> If you have any questions or are curious about something leave me a comment or send me an ask on [my tumblr](http://fancytartishead.tumblr.com/)
> 
> See you soon <3


	4. John: Go to Dave's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John hangs out with Dave; stupidity follows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  ~~I totally made the one month deadline~~  
>  As usual, thanks for your patience  
> My beta is [thecarlonethatalsowrites](http://archiveofourown.org/users/thecarlonethatalsowrites)
> 
>  
> 
> [Cast List](https://goo.gl/fnR4xP)

John: Go to Dave’s

Your name is John Egbert and you are already at Dave's house. Well, you’re parked around the corner. You’re too nervous to go to actually go to his door. When Dave asked you if you wanted to hang out, you were so excited. You were getting worried that he had been avoiding you. You eagerly gave him your pesterchum handle as you left for the night.

Dave told you to come over around noon, but at 12:03 you are anxiously sitting in your car. You’ve spent the last ten minutes circling the block, trying to figure out if it would be weird to arrive punctually. After debating how late fashionably late is, you finally leave your car at 12:07. As you reach your arm out to knock, the door suddenly bursts open causing your hand to instead fall onto the chest of a man who bears a striking resemblance to Dave. “Uh-,” you begin, yanking your hand away in surprise. “Is Dave here?”

Like Dave, the man in front of you wears sunglasses indoors. However, while Dave’s are aviators, this guy has pointy triangle shades that look like something out of an anime. He continues to stare at you for a few seconds before saying, “He’s in the shower. Come in.” He moves to let you in and calls over his shoulder, “Jake, let’s go.” 

You hear some fumbling and a, “I’m coming!” in a chipper English accent coming from a shorter man with black hair crazy enough to challenge your own mop of hair. “Oh, hello! I’m Jake and this is Dirk. Go ahead and head inside, I’m sure Dave won’t be a moment.”

They head back out the front door leaving you alone in Dave’s living room. Wow, Dave has a really nice apartment. You walk around admiring the room. The walls are covered in photographs and posters. There’s even a bowl of lemons on the coffee table, he must really have his life together. Not like you, you’re too nervous to knock on the front door like a middle schooler. You look at some of the pictures on his wall. Dave, Roxy, Rose, and the man who answered the door-Dirk? are at Disney, but not in costume. The four of them are standing in front of Cinderella’s castle, wearing matching Mickey ears and big cheesy smiles. Seeing Dave smile like that fills your stomach with butterflies.

You are about to sit down when another door slams open and one half naked Dave Strider walks into the kitchen. “Brooooooo,” he calls, “can you throw me my sweatshirt?” You see the aforementioned sweatshirt sitting on the back of the couch, so you grab it and bring it to the kitchen where Dave is rooting around in the fridge.

“Here Dave,” you say, holding out the red bundle of fabric.

“Thanks ma- JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!” He shouts, covering his colorful boxers with the sweatshirt. “When did you get here?”

“Oh- um,” you stuttered, realizing how awkward this situation is, “only like 5 minutes ago. Jake and Dirk let me in.”

You hear him mutter something that sounds like “ducking donkey butt,” under his breath. “Ok, well I’m going to to change,” he says backing slowing into his room. You let out a breath. Well this has been already significantly awkward. You take a seat on Dave’s sofa and wait for him to return. A few minutes later Dave comes out of his room fully clothed in a t-shirt, hoodie, and jeans. “I mean, it’s kinda late now, but welcome to casa de Strider. Can I interest you in apple juice or orange soda?”

“I’m ok, thanks.” You say nervously, “So are Jake and Dirk your roommates?”

“Hmm,” he sounds confused, “Nah, Dirk is my brother and Jake is his boyfriend. I used to live with them but I moved out a couple of months ago. They both work at Disney too.”

You feel pretty stupid now, you should have known they worked with you after a whole week. The two of you sit in awkward silence for a while until Dave asks you if you want to play some videogames. You barely hear him, and end up responding with “Oh, sure.” You smile.” What do you have?” Dave hands you a box of games and you pull out Mario Kart 8.

“Mario Kart?” He asks, taking the box from you to set of the game. “Ok, but be prepared to have your ass handed to you.”

You grin in response, “Not if I have any say in it.” 

You totally kicked his ass, but he argues that it was only because he ironically chose Baby Peach. As you play you feel like you spend more time looking at Dave than the screen. You notice the way his eyes light up when he wins, even behind his shades. You notice the way he refuses to sit still when “driving”, jumping around and climbing over furniture. You especially notice the way he leans on your shoulder when the two of you battled for first place. The awkwardness present when you first arrived seemed to melt away after a few rounds of Mario Kart. 

After about an hour of video games, Dave pauses the race and says, “I’m hungry, you wanna order pizza or something?”

“Sure,” you say, “pizza is always a good idea.”

“Toppings?”

“Hawaiian,” you say on instinct.

“Dude,” he gives you a weird look, “that’s disgusting.”

“What? It's good!”

“Hell no, not happening Egbert.” Dave picks up the phone shaking his head.

“But Daaaaaave,”you whine in response trying to grab the phone from his hands.

“No way!” He exclaims yanking the phone out of your reach, causing you to faceplant into the counter with the coordination of a eel on land, which Dave quickly uses this to his advantage. He dials the pizza place at a lightning fast pace to order a large cheese pizza and breadsticks while you make weird faces at him from across the room.

“Dude, you have to let this go,” he says after hanging up. “No one wants to eat your nasty ass fruit pizza.”

“It’s not even my fault though, I completely blame Jade.” You whine, crossing your arms like a child. “I mean I love her, but she has gotten me addicted to the weirdest food combinations. Like french fries and ice cream and peanut butter with pickles.”

Dave’s ever present smirk falters slightly when you mention Jade, but he quickly returns to his poker face as he says, “Bro, ya nasty.”

“Did you just ironically quote That’s So Raven?”

“Psssh, ironically? That show was the shit. I can still remember images of little middle school Dave coming home from school and dancing along to the theme song while his older bro set up fucking puppet cameras to spy on him.”

“Dirk did that?”

“Naw, not Dirk, my oldest bro, he basically raised the two of us. But really, that show was the bomb.”

You can’t really argue with that logic, so you shrug and take a seat on the couch. Dave follows you and turns on the DVD player, grabbing a box set of That’s So Raven. “You’re joking right?”

“No way, I told you, this show was the shit.”

“Well yeah, but-” you grasp for the words but soon give up. The pizza arrives soon after you start watching, and you try to convince Dave to not answer the door in a wig shouting ‘BONJOUR!’ You fail. Quite miserably, actually, as the teenager delivering the pizza is unamused. The two of you spend the rest of the afternoon watching That’s So Raven and eating pizza. Before you realize it, it’s already five o’clock and Jade is texting you.

\--gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] \--  
GG: john where are you???  
GG: if you dont get here soon Karkats going to pick the movie  
without you  
GG: oh, nevermind. he already chose  
GG: were watching ms. congeniality again  
GG: john  
GG: john  
GG: joooooooohn  
EB: hi jade, sorry i forgot about movie night  
EB: i’m at dave’s, be back soon  
GG: :0 oooooh, daves *waggles eyebrows*  
EB: come on jade, it’s not like that  
GG: sure ;)  
EB: i’ll be back soon  
\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] \--

You look up from your phone to find Dave silently dancing along to the opening sequence of That’s so Raven. “Dave, what are you doing?”

“Can’t you tell? I’m seducing you with childhood Dave’s sexy moves. Is it working?”

“Wow, sexy as hell Dave,” you say sarcastically. Even though you’re totally joking, you have to admit that he looks pretty cute. Ugh- this is going too far. That girl you saw him with the other day is probably his girlfriend. He’s not actually trying to seduce you, he’s just being ironic. “Anyways,” you say, getting up from the couch, “Jade just texted, apparently I’m late for movie night.” You see a slight falter in Dave’s face when you mention Jade again. Did something happen between the two of them? You make a note to ask Jade about it later.

“Laaaaaaaaaame,” Dave groans, turning off the TV.

“I’m sorry,” you wish you could stay, but movie night is kind of a set plan.

“Its cool man, you gotta keep the ladies happy, I get it.” He says shaking his head and passing you your jacket from across the room. 

You finish grabbing the rest of your stuff and get ready to leave. Standing at the front door you decide to turn around and give Dave a hug. Friends hug right? Is it too soon to be hugging him when you only met a few days ago? You start panicking and pull back, blushing. “Sorry,” you mumble. You look up at Dave who is trying to hide the faint blush under his enormous shades. You mentally curse yourself, Dave’s probably too embarrassed to be friends with you now.

You continue to mentally curse yourself until Dave clears his throat and speaks again. “We’re all good man. We should do this again.”

You nod, surprised he wants to hang out again. You manage to squeak out a “bye,” before running to your car.

John: Be late for movie night

When you leave Dave’s you immediately drive to your apartment building. You drop all your stuff off in your apartment, grab a bag of chips and a blanket, and run next door to Jade’s apartment. You’re not surprised to find Jade and Karkat arguing about the best way to organize the pillows and blankets for movie night. 

“I’m just saying, the obvious thing to do is to build a pillow fort. That way, everyone has their own space and no one fights over the best pillows,” Jade says, yanking a giant body pillow out of Karkat’s hands.

“Are you an idiot?” Karkat shouts, pulling back on the pillow, “Giant pillow piles allow for optimal viewing space and cuddle capabilities.”

“Fort.”

“Pile.”

“Fort!”

“Pile!”

“FORT!”

“PILE!”

You watch the two of them argue like children for a while before you actually intervene. “Um, guys?” They ignore you in favor of a stare down, so you grab a pillow off the floor and throw it at Jade’s head. That finally gets her attention and she turns around to acknowledge your presence. 

“Oh, hi John!” she says, letting go of the pillow.

“Look who finally showed up. “Karkat growls, “Will you please tell your fucking moronic sister that pillow piles are far superior to forts,”

“No, John will you please tell my fuckass boyfriend that pillow forts are better than piles.”

“Ok, will you stop with the fuckass thing. I haven’t said that since we were in high school.”

Personally, you like pillow forts better, but you know that if you tell that to the two of them, Karkat will spend the whole evening sulking. “Well, I think both are pretty comfy.”

“Just fucking pick one Egbert, it’s not that hard,” Karkat barks, still glaring at Jade.

“ I guess normally I would go with a fort, but I think that for watching movies we might want to go with a pile,” you mumble carefully, not wanting to further the fight between the two of them.

“HA!” Karkat shouts, followed by some banging on the wall from the next door neighbors. “I WIN.”

“Fine, fine,” Jade says rolling her eyes. “You can build your pillow pile, I’m going to make popcorn.” While Jade microwaves bag after bag of popcorn, you and Karkat go around the apartment collecting pillows, cushions, and blankets, to compile into a massive pillow pile. By the time you finish, Jade is back and has set up the DVD player. Karkat digs through his rom-com collection, finding the DVD for Ms. Congeniality.

Jade and Karkat remain pretty quiet throughout the movie, cuddling together in the middle of the pile, but you can’t help the anxious feeling as you anticipate their questions about Dave. When the first movie ends Karkat gets up to pop in the sequel. Jade turns to you, “So John,” she begins. (Oh no here it comes) you think. “How was your first week of work?”

“He’s just a friend, okay!” you blurt out before you process the question. ‘I-I mean… fine.” You quickly try to cover your mistake, a bright blush spreading across your face. Jade and Karkat exchange a look that can only be described as ‘I told you so’.

“Oh?” Jade questions, “Who’s just a friend?”

“Uh- no one…” You mutter, “I mean, what?” 

Karkat rolls his eyes, “Can we just start the movie before I start balding?” Jade flicks him on the ear but she settles down and stops asking you questions. By the end of the second movie, both Jade and Karkat are asleep, giving you the perfect chance to escape. You gather your things, pat Jade and Karkat on their respective heads, and head back to your apartment. You lock the door, take off your shoes, and yawn. Your name is John Egbert and it’s time for bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo we made it 《《o(≧◇≦)o》》
> 
> A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT  
> Carl, the best beta in the world is writing a special Disneystuck Halloween chapter which will probably be up sometime this week. So look forward to that ╰( ･ ᗜ ･ )╯
> 
> Comments and asks on [my tumblr](fancytartishead.tumblr.com) are always apreciated
> 
> Happy Halloween ლ(*꒪ヮ꒪*)ლ see you soon <3

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment or hit me up on [tumblr](http://fancytartishead.tumblr.com/), I would love some feedback
> 
> See you soon ೕ(•̀ㅂ•́ )


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